Poetry

Situation Vacant

WANTED…

Mixed-race White European / Māori infant (male).

The applicant must be separated from their natural mother for a minimum of six weeks—
unwell, distressed, and suffering deep emotional trauma.

Job Description…

We are seeking the above applicant to be placed with a white British couple
and their five biological children.

The mother has recently experienced a family loss,
making this an ideal opportunity for the successful applicant
to fill the void left in her life.

Initially, you will experience comfort and security—
you may even feel happy—
but this is a long-term placement
designed for you to become a victim of circumstance.

You will be guided and directed,
moving step by step through our flawed and outdated system.

WHAT WE CAN OFFER…

For the right applicant, we are confident your commitment
will allow for continual “development.”

By the age of nine, you can rest assured
you will feel alienated, sense that you are different,
and begin questioning your identity.

If the applicant remains with the family long term,
we can offer additional exclusive roles, including—but not limited to—
feelings of guilt and shame,
a persistent need to fantasise or compulsively lie,
and most importantly, a strong denial
of your ethnicity and cultural background.

Adoption recognises that this can be a difficult process,
so we are prepared to provide whatever resources are necessary
to encourage this development.

These may include sugary, unhealthy foods;
alcohol; drugs (we always encourage substance misuse);
risky sexual behaviour;
and any other form of self-destructive coping
that supports and maintains a low sense of self-esteem and self-worth.

Adoption proudly maintains a long list of past and present clients
who suffer—or have suffered—from suicidal ideation
at rates four times higher than those not involved in the adoption process

PLEASE REMEMBER…

Adoption is a lifetime commitment.
Once accepted, you will remain with us always.

IMPORTANT…

If you have any questions about your natural birth mother,
rest assured we will treat this as a breach of contract—
and it will not be viewed favourably.

Successful applicants are “chosen” and “special.”
You are not like others, nor will you ever be.

We look forward to hearing your preverbal cries—
after all, you have no voice.

Signed,

Your Lifetime Partner,
Adoption

Black Coffee

I gaze into the mirror and see a face the colour of coffee brown.
I feel uncomfortable, uneasy—because for so long, I believed I was white.
I grab a cloth and begin polishing the mirror, but no matter how hard I try,
the “stain” remains.
Perhaps if I wish hard enough, I can will that stain away?
Confusion rises, and I slip instantly into denial.

“You’re one of us,” I hear them say—
as if not being “one of us” is something shameful.
What did my people do that was so wrong?
What made me believe I should alienate myself from who I am?
How can someone feel shame for something they never understood
and were never guilty of?

As I move through adolescence, a backstory forms—
a “new self” assembled piece by piece.
I’m not sure it’s convincing, yet it consumes my entire being.
Life’s lessons fade into the background,
pushed aside in favour of this convoluted train of thought.
My academic focus falls away;
there is room only for denial and dishonesty.

Over the years, I start fitting into this “new self” with more ease,
yet the fit is never quite right.
Like a catwalk model, I own an array of costumes—personalities—
a rail full of hangers from left to right.
Each hanger holds a mood, a manner;
I am the master of adaptation.
Hyper-vigilant.
Constantly afraid.

You made me this way—you, White New Zealand.
I want to be you, to share your values—
but at what cost?
Why can’t I simply be myself?

I laugh at your jokes, and the guilt cuts deep.
You accept me only because I am not who I say I am.
Because I have buried the truth.

Because I have become a fraud.